Round two

Some secrets are better left unsaid. I remember you staring straight ahead, like you just couldn't even make sense of my words. You heard me, I know you did, but it's like your mind went into shutdown. Were you trying to numb the pain, or just numb from it? I know you'll overcome this like you always do. I wish I could do it with you, but I think that ship has sailed, and I wasn't on it. I leave because it's just too hard. You think you're the only one I hurt, but it's just not true. I hurt myself, too. You'll never know how much I loved you, and how long I waited for you to come around, but even before now, it's like you were always somewhere else. I didn't mind when your mind wandered, but I always wondered if you thought of me while you were away. I thought of you every time I slid that key into the lock. I thought of you every time I walked away, and nothing in the world could make me feel better about this. You can call it addiction, or just say I liked the attention. You can claim I couldn't love you and still do this to you, and most people would agree with you. I'm a monster, and most people should agree with you. You were my world, and now I'm left an alien in a world that's no longer mine. I know you'll be fine. You always were the strong one.

Has it really been a year since we said goodbye? I still remember the way you used to smile. I remember looking into those eyes and wishing they were mine. I can't believe we never got it right. I know there were mistakes enough to go around, but they weren't all mine. We stated out on rocky terrain, and that was you. I learned to live on rocky terrain and that was you. You were always out looking for the next good time, and I was always sitting in my room thinking of words to rhyme with time and coming up with lines to make people move, not on the outside, but on the inside. I never tried to hide from what I thought we could have, but you were always so cryptic. I used to think I'd win you with persistence, but I didn't even know it when it happened. If you happen to read this, please know that I regret nothing. What we had was strange, and it wasn't always good, or good for me, or for you for that matter. If I ever had her, it was only for a short while, and even then it was never clear. I'll never be here again, so there's no point in asking why. It's all just a matter of time. It's been a year since we said goodbye, and I've grown a lot, and I hope you have too, but you'll never be forgotten.